Highs and Lows

My emotions were all over the place today, it seems.

I woke up this morning in a funk. Normally when Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds"sounds from my cell phone at 6:30 am, I at least wake up peacefully, if not with a smile on my face. Today I did not rise from my slumber agreeing with Bob that "every little thing is gonna be alright." I don't know if I was dreaming about something displeasing before I awoke or what, but it left me feeling pretty dreary.

I started out my day with some unruly hair. Struggling to make it look halfway decent resulted in me leaving my house about 15 minutes late, making me late for work. It's not really a big deal because our first hour is spent preparing, and my supervisor rarely even shows up on time. But still, the fact that my hair was being uncooperative irked me.

And then my self-esteem was immediately crushed when I walked in the door. I somehow had managed to wrestle my hair into a ponytail, braiding my bangs to the side and pinning them to keep them out of my face. Because my hairline recedes a little right around my temples, this hairstyle tends to leave a small bald spot right where the braid starts. I'm aware it's there, and I find it annoying, but I didn't really think it was big enough for anyone else to notice. But the first thing a client says to me this morning: "What happened to your head? Right where the bald spot is?" I explained that that's just how my hair grows, rather matter-of-factly so that any ordinary person wouldn't be able to notice the comment bugged me, and then I went and hid behind the front desk for a few minutes to regain my composure. My little bald spot, and the fact that somebody noticed it, made me feel ugly.

My mood sort of went up from there as we prepared to head out for the day. We spent a few hours at a state park where everybody swam except me. Initially I didn't feel like getting wet today, but after sitting on a hard bench in 96 degree weather for a couple minutes, I regretted not bringing my swim gear. My happiness decreased with every minute in the heat.

It went right back up as we packed up and headed back to the program. I was feeling pretty content as I got ready to leave for the day until I discovered some information about a couple of my coworkers that really disappointed me. I won't get into details for confidentiality's sake, but you know when you really like somebody and sort of look up to them? And then you find out something about them that you would have never suspected? And it kinda makes your heart sink into your stomach? I had one of those moments. So I listened to metal all the way home because I was feeling angry and disappointed.

Things got better when I got home because I went swimming with my brother and his friend. The pool felt soooooo good after roasting outside the entire day! I also made a cheesecake for my brother's birthday tomorrow, and although it didn't involve any baking, I enjoyed myself anyhow. Then I practiced my sax for a bit and relaxed, once again feeling at peace...

Until I found some information out about my brother that shocked me a bit. I mean, I guess I shouldn't be shocked because he's growing up and all, but I have a tendency to view him as much younger than he really is. Either way, knowing that he's growing up and can't be saved from the cruelty of adulthood anymore makes me really sad.

And on top of all this stuff, my dad had surgery on his shoulder today. He's doing well I guess, but he's currently at the hospital and will be staying overnight for observation. I can't help but worry about that.

So now I'm feeling kinda bummed out. I'm hoping my mood turns around a little before bed time so I can sleep.