Always dreaming of the past...

Once again, I woke up this morning feeling rather sad and nostalgic. Usually this happens when I've had a dream about some sort of happy memory or somebody I haven't seen in a long time. Today is no different.

Last night I dreamt that I was at a dining room table surrounded by my cousins. We were all laughing, eating cinnamon rolls (why? I don't know.), and quoting the Christopher Walken SNL skit "Googly Eyes" (again, why? I have no idea.) Each of us was so happy and didn't have a care in the world, other than who would get to finish off the glaze used to frost the cinnamon rolls. I can still feel remnants of the warmth that filled me in my sleep when I looked around at my smiling family and felt like bursting with joy and love.

These sorts of dreams are bittersweet for me. They make me so incredibly happy, but when I wake up, I wish I could go back to sleep forever just so I can hold onto that feeling. Only in dreams can I have the past once more. When I'm conscious, all I can do is try to remember. I can't see the past as clearly, and instead of becoming filled with the cheer of my childhood, I'm left with an empty longing.

I wish I could let go. I know that those days are gone and that I should be concentrating on making the present just as wonderful, but I can't help thinking that things were so much better back then. I've been corrupted. I can never experience the pure, innocent bliss of childhood ever again. I can bring pieces of it into my life, but things are too complicated now to fully convert. All I can do is dream.

I apoligize for the slew of slightly depressing entries as of late. I am not completely depressed; I just tend to write about the emotions which affect me the most. Nostalgia happens to be one of them.