Something I've learned

You know the saying "People don't change"? Well it's total bullshit. People are more than capable of changing themselves. But only if they want to.

Take me, for example. Over the winter break, I realized that I was completely miserable. I had very few friends, I hated what had been my top choice school, and I hated myself because I was fully aware that I was the sole cause of my misery. I was depressed, but I wasn't doing anything about it because I was too busy wallowing in self-pity.

So I decided: no more excuses. Things have got to change, and only I can make them.

I jumped into the new semester with both feet. I did things I never would have done before: I went through sorority recruitment, I went to parties every weekend, I even blew off schoolwork to hang out with friends. I was social for the first time in a long time. And every time I felt the anxiety and the sadness creeping up on me, I pretended like everything was fine and I was totally happy. And soon, everything was fine and I was sincerely happy.

I am much happier now, and I don't allow myself to get so self-absorbed in pity anymore. I believe I have changed a lot since December. But this is only because I wanted to and made a conscious effort to.

You can't expect people to change just because you want them to. Even if somebody loves you deeply, they will never change for you unless they see a need to change for their self. And unless you know for sure that they have seen a reason to change, it's not worth wasting your time.

4 months have passed...

4 months have passed since I've last written in this thing. Shit, man. I suppose the best way to summarize such a substantial amount of time would be in...

A LIST!!!

* * * * * * * * * *

October
-Owned a dirtbike for a couple weeks. Rode it twice and then sold it because it scared me.
-Decided I would be living with my love over the summer, despite dissenting parents.

November
-Had a panic attack due to social anxiety.
-Celebrated my three-year anniversary.
-Had a wicked good Thanksgiving.

December
-Got super into the Christmas spirit.
-Decided to apply to transfer to another school.
-Realized I was having a lot of doubts about my relationship.
-Fell out of the Christmas spirit.
-Had a pretty chill New Year's party.

January
-Broke up with my love.
-Became determined to change my life for the better. No more excuses.
-Went through sorority recruitment. Got rejected by the sorority I wanted. But was still proud of myself for going through it and doing something I would normally have never done.
-Started going to the gym three times a week.
-Had an interview with my school of choice. Didn't feel so good about it.
-Got my tattoo touched up.
-My computer shat the bed. I had to wipe the hard drive. But I got Windows 7, so it's all good.
-Got really confused about whether or not breaking up had been a mistake.

February
-Developed a crush on somebody. But I don't necessarily want to go anywhere with that. I think I have one just because technically, I'm allowed to have one. It's more of an exercise of my freedom than anything else.
-My (ex)love came out for Valentine's weekend. It was amazing. Now I'm really, really confused.
-Aced three exams.
-Gave up making excuses and dessert/candy/sweets for Lent. Not because I'm into the whole religion thing, but because I wanted to challenge myself. I'm looking forward to eating loads of cake and Cadbury Eggs on Easter.

* * * * * * * * * *

So yeah. That's my life in list form.

I'm going to try and get better at updating this thing from now on. And hopefully not just about things that have been going on in my life, but with intellectual discussions included as well.

Later days.